In lieu of the death of a man with brown skin and extensive facial hair, white Americans took to the streets in an orgy of thinly veiled stupidity.
It marked a glorious day for both Corporate America and fascism as many of the jovial made the occasion a humourous one by sporting T-shirts emblazoned with blisteringly pithy slogans such as 'Happy NoSama Day” and 'Fish Food'.
Murder gets them rowdy.
'White Jesus' advocate Buck Labia, who owns both a truck and a baseball cap, was amongst thousands who lined the streets of Washington.
“I stuck a large 'Tango Down' bumper sticker to my Ford Ranchero and mindlessly drove around town whilst screaming racial epithets. It was for America.”
“This is a proud day for my people. Anyone who disagrees with me is a plague-ridden homosexual who hates their country and probably believes that Jesus bore a closer resemblance to an Arab than an Arian.”
This kind of patriotism has gone on to influence America's youngest generation, with many children now being encouraged to decoratively paint their faces with the blood of their enemies.
"Oh Jesus, why weren't we pro-abortion?" say the parents of this little prick.
Dr Harold Reacharound, professor of Not Always Acting Like an Unholy Dickhead at Ohio State University, expressed his thoughts on the subject.
“Bin Laden's death is hugely symbolic. For many it symbolises closure, but for me it is mostly symbolic of how bullets fired from a gun at a person's head will often result in that person's head exploding.”
Meanwhile, left-wing radicals around the world have agreed that the most effective way of expressing their distaste towards the celebrations is to misattribute quotes to Martin Luther King, Jr. on their Facebook and Twitter accounts.
“When two tribes go to war, a point is all that you can score.” - taken from King's debut album, Welcome to the Pleasuredome.
Whilst many Americans have continued to celebrate throughout the week, others have expressed cynicism in regards to the rushed manner in which Bin Laden's corpse was disposed of.
“A long form death certificate or it didn't happen,” demanded Donald Trump.
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